On Umbrella Etiquette

Currently and for the next few days I am living in Shanghai, China. It's easy living with my brother and sister-in-law, and I don't pretend to be roughing it in any form. Tonight, however, I saw in all its naked horror, the true danger of Shanghai. First, let me set the stage a little...

Shanghai is an odd place for a westerner to take in, though I'm aware that it is probably the most western of Asian cities. Out of my window right now there are abandoned buildings, overgrown parks, futuristic skyscrapers, and by the looks of the many cranes on the horizon there are more to come. Shanghai is what I think of when I picture Gotham -- sprawling and intimidating in its grandeur. But I'm getting away from myself here. The point that I wanted to make was about umbrellas. Did I mention umbrellas yet?

So, it rained tonight and I was out doing some work for my brother -- hitting the pavement. Now I'm not an exceptionally tall man, but living in Asia these past months has shown me what a relative statement that is. In a city this crowded, with drivers this nuts, being a pedestrian with a language barrier is tough enough, but throw in tens of thousands of short, umbrella totting Asians during rush hour and you got a stew going, baby. And now to the etiquette...

If, hypothetically, you had a head that was 4-5 ft. in diameter, with sharp poles sticking out around the perimeter, you would probably be pretty careful on a crowded sidewalk -- especially if your head was prone to erradic movements caused by even the slightest of wind gusts. I'm right, right? Not in Shanghai, they don't. I was out there tonight, bobbing and weaving, burst of running to avoid a stab to the eye or neck; basically, I looked like Apollo Creed out there but without the trash talking and fake punching.

I came to a realization, however, when I saw an old woman get bonked in the head hard and both parties, the umbrella weilder and the woman, just kept on walking without a flinch. What I came to understand at that moment was that if everybody doesn't care then nobody has to be careful. All the people can't be all right all of the time -- maybe so -- but all the people can be all wrong all of the time when it comes to umbrella etiquette. Just please watch out for the relatively tall American kid whose jumping and jiving evokes the memory of a heavyweight champ.

Note: Looked up "Umbrella Etiquette" and while I found no formal set of rules, there is another blog posting. Take a look.